The Hardest Post I’ve Ever Had To Write… Confessing a Step Backwards.

I’ve tried to start this blog entry at least a dozen times over the last month or so… have started a couple of paragraphs, gotten overly emotional, and abruptly closed my browser and walked away.

I’ve always prided myself that when I started losing weight I’d never gain any of it back. “I’m all about losing weight and never finding it again”, I’d joke to clients. Everything we do is about maintainable fat loss, no short cuts just healthy lifestyle changes to ensure none of the weight comes back.

Three and a half months ago I switched jobs and became a fitness manager, so on top of being a personal trainer I’m also now managing a team of trainers. Things got busy, life got a little crazy, and suddenly I was slacking on my workouts and slacking on my meal prep. What was the consequence?

I’ve put on about 10lbs.

Almost a pant size. I’ve been avoiding my jeans because I don’t know how comfortable they’ll be right now.

Today is actually my birthday, and usually that’s a time of reflecting over the past few years and how things have changed. Every year for the past 4 years it’s been a celebration of success… pride in all I’ve accomplished. I can honestly say I’m incredibly proud of my career success over the past year, and I’m significantly stronger than I’ve ever been… but this time last year I was 10lbs lighter than I am now… and that’s been extremely hard for me to come to terms with.

Is anyone to blame but me? Of course not, I take full responsibility. This is something I had to publically admit because it’s eating me up inside, and I know I can drop that 10lbs but I need to be honest with each of you that sometimes even people who feel the strongest can take steps back. I just spent a bunch of time going back through photos from my blog and I know I look heavier and that makes me unhappy. But there is no use complaining about something that’s within my capacity to change.

I’m not proud of where I’m at, and I can give a million excuses including a career change, a vacation, an ankle injury, minor surgery, pulling my back… but at the end of the day I made choices that took me further from my goals not closer, and it’s time for me to smarten up.

Two months from now I will be 10lbs lighter, a little over a lb a week to ensure safe and maintainable fat loss in the right way without crash dieting. Can I do it? Of course. Is it going to be a struggle? You bet. But it’s time to smarten up and get back on track. The time in now, no more excuses.

I’m sorry to any of you followers who may feel this post let you down a little, or lost a little bit of faith in the strength I seem to portray. Newsflash… I’m human and I make mistakes. Being strong isn’t about how long you can go before you break, it’s about how you put the pieces back together after you’ve been broken.

I’m going to go lift something, then prep some food and look towards tomorrow being one step closer to where I need to be.


11 thoughts on “The Hardest Post I’ve Ever Had To Write… Confessing a Step Backwards.

  1. Caroline says:

    One day at a time and one workout at a time! I too am a trainer who has fallen of the wagon and am back at my trainers – hoping this week! Life happens. Go gentle on yourself and you’ll lose it faster loving yourself.

  2. Stephanie says:

    oh sweetheart….I can feel your pain right now and I’m there and I have realized a lot of things about weight loss and weight gain. You are just going thru a journey and our weight loss was not the end of our journey but rather the beginning to a new journey. Did you learn something about yourself on the last 3 months?

    I’m not talking about how you are judging yourself about your lack of lack of preparation, laziness around workout, etc. I’m talking about what is really behind us having used food in the past as a way of numbing ourselves, overeating because we didn’t know how to deal with “life”. If we are not healing this part of ourselves, just controlling it with over working and meal prepping everything that comes in contact with our mouth…weight gain is for sure coming back to knock on our door. We cannot control every aspects of life for the rest of our life as you have so well experience in the last 3 months. Learn about yourself, heal that part of you and move on.

    You are beautiful women with a drive like no other..use it to your advantage.

  3. Debbie says:

    Thanks for sharing Jessie. Bottom line is you didn’t let anyone down – your admission gives hope to everyone who has stepped backwards. As we were saying it’s what you do at the 10 pound mark – shrug and go for 20 because you feel like a loser or grit your teeth and get back to where you feel best about yourself. Yes we all make choices and some of us – ok me – don’t always live into the commitments or intentions we set – but you encourage others then and so let this be our turn – you go girl! You can do it. Book a session with a trainer and watch what can happen😎😎

  4. hgaloska says:

    Firstly – Happy Birthday!!!! I hope you have epic plans for celebration and that the Hubby is spoiling you appropriately.

    Secondly – It’s not a let down. Although losing weight is incredibly tough, I think maintenance is the harder hurdle to jump. Add to that life changing events and that hurdle just gets higher. You’re not going to stay there, because you’re not happy and that’s not what you want.

    And if its one thing I know about you – it’s that you don’t settle.

    🙂 Heather
    PS: Baby Dyer is due in September! And yes, I’m still hitting the gym 3x a week!

    • jesslovesfitness says:

      I miss you! I was just thinking about you this week. Congrats on the new addition coming, and I’m so proud of you that you’re still being consistent! ❤ Say hi to the hubs for me!

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